You couldn’t have felt it unless you were there. It was something special that the three of us shared- it really was. It’s an awful feeling when you realize that the best months and of your life have already passed, and the leaves already went through an entire cycle of life. A whole year has passed and thinking back on the three of us just seems right. We sat in the truck, coming down, and the silence flowed through us like the smoke we had inhaled earlier. Holding onto someone, feeling someone else’s skin and body, is complex. It’s a complexity that my 17-year-old hands didn’t understand. I loved you beautiful boys. It was a type of innocence that made me feel alive and a dirty. Clean, but also calm even when it was adventurous. I felt safe with you both. The three of us were the chain that couldn’t be broken. But it was inevitable that we would sour and separate. That’s the beauty of this destruction- that we were once powerful and bathed in the glory of friendship and youth, and we remember it.